


Useless gays are useless

by LeFay_Strent



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, Pining, moxiety - Freeform, royality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 15:22:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18780952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeFay_Strent/pseuds/LeFay_Strent
Summary: Patton is shirtless, and Roman and Virgil are very, very gay.





	Useless gays are useless

Roman and Virgil were entirely unprepared to return home to their apartment to find their roommate Patton.

Their cute roommate Patton.

Their roommate Patton who was currently shirtless.

Roman dropped the gym bag in his hand, hit by the strong sense of gay. Virgil wasn’t fairing much better, standing ramrod straight.

“I’m so glad you’re here!” Patton cried, flinging himself towards Virgil instantly. Virgil went bug-eyed when Patton grabbed him by the collar and gasped out, “I need you!”

Virgil squeaked in the back of his throat, going from pale to a vibrant red in .5 seconds.

Patton dragged him away towards the kitchen, and Virgil—his mind having gone out to lunch with no hope of returning any time soon—followed along. Roman couldn’t help but trail after them, lured by exposed expanses of skin that had previously never been seen before outside of his fantasies.

Sue him, he’d never known that Patton had freckles on more than just his face.

“Over there!” Patton pointed to one of their plastic bowls. Strangely, it sat overturned in the middle of the floor.

Patton’s shirt had also been discarded nearby. Huh.

With their last persevering brain cell, the two of them attempted to decipher the stream of Patton’s rant. “Spider! There’s a _spider_! It was _in my shirt_! And I freaked out and didn’t know what to do, and it was crawling around and now it’s under there and _please just do something about it please_!”

Ah, the visual pieces of the story were coming together. The lesson learned here was that if nothing else, spiders could make Patton shirtless.

Wait, no, that was the thirst of gay talking. Patton was on the edge of tears and they needed to focus.

Well, Roman was a little focused anyway.

“What?” Virgil asked, appearing to not have heard a word. He was still very distracted by the clinging grip Patton had on his arm, and his dazed eyes were fixated somewhere around the vicinity of Patton’s clavicle.

“VIRGIL!” Patton tried again, beginning to shake Virgil in his desperate fright. Oh, he really was crying now.

“Uh, right,” Virgil said absently. He tore his eyes away and went to collect the spider. He slipped a piece of paper underneath and carried it out of the room.

Patton hugged himself and shuddered. His watery eyes looked at the shirt on the floor.

“I know it’s gone now, but I don’t think I want to put that shirt back on.”

“Probably for the best.” Roman nodded seriously.

“Sorry, I know it’s silly,” Patton tried to smile. He sniffled instead. “I should probably go find something to put on.”

“Now let’s not be hasty!” Roman shouted, arms up as if to stop Patton.

Patton froze. Roman froze too. Inwardly he lamented over how much of an utter disaster he was, but outwardly? He wasn’t an actor for nothing folks!

Roman cleared his throat. “What I meant was if there was one spider, who knows if there’s more roaming around in your clothing?”

Patton blanched. “W-why would you say that?!”

“I uh, just thought I would suggest a ban on shirts?” Roman tried, but Patton was full on crying in terror now. “Wait, Pat— _Patty_ , please don’t—oh darling, don’t do that.”

“I can’t ever wear my clothes again!” Patton sobbed. “We’re gonna have to move!”

“What the fuck, dude?” Virgil said. Oh, he was back now. “I leave for a minute and you made him cry?”

Roman would have valiantly defended himself, were it not for Patton throwing himself at Virgil yet again, though this time for comfort. He barreled into Virgil’s chest and clung to him, crying into the material of his hoodie.

Now, Roman was very much wracked with guilt over making Patton cry, but he also wanted to laugh at Virgil’s expression. He looked as if he’d been sucker-punched in the gut. He stared wide-eyed up towards the ceiling, his arms thrown up and suspended in the air like a useless marionette. His slack mouth could form no words.

Patton wrapped his arms around Virgil’s middle, holding onto him tighter. The intensity in Virgil’s face morphed ten times stronger. If Roman had to explain it, it was an expression that half said, “I didn’t think I’d get this far,” and half “I would die for you.” Roman’s fingers itched to pull out his phone to take a picture.

A particularly pitiful whimper from Patton made Virgil blink. His arms lowered fraction by careful fraction, his fingers grazed a bare shoulder only to yank back in uncertainty.

“ _Pat_ ,” Virgil croaked.

Patton nuzzled into him.

Defeated, Virgil slumped into Patton’s frame, arms finally coming down to enfold him like an emo octopus. He buried his face where neck met shoulder, and he held Patton like he was entirely too precious.

Patton soaked up the affection. He’d gotten a few hugs out of Virgil before, but none of them lasted this long. Roman would have thought he’d be jealous, but for the most part he watched on, head tilted in a contemplating sort of awe.

Patton eventually was the first to pull back. Virgil leaned up, still close enough that his arms encircled Patton, one arm around his waist, the other resting between his shoulder blades. He had that dazed look on his face again.

Patton meekly wiped at his face. “Thanks for getting the spider away, Virge.”

“No problem,” he said gently, voice a low gravely hum. He stared entranced at Patton’s face, drinking it in.

“Sorry,” Patton said, managing a real smile. “I’m just crying all over you, even though I know you’re not that big on touching. Really, thank you. You’re the best, Virge.”

Then the weirdest thing happened. Virgil broke out into the dopiest grin. His eyes shined adoringly, crinkling at the corners. Roman had never seen him like that. All melting with unguarded affection. Patton really was a powerful foe.

Patton stepped away to go pick up his shirt. He pinched the material between two of his fingers, still wary of what the folds of fabric could be hiding. He walked out of the kitchen 

Virgil watched him go. He let out a love-stricken sigh and leaned against the doorway.

“You are whipped,” Roman declared.

Virgil snapped out of it, as if just realizing he wasn’t alone. His face colored, no doubt from both embarrassment and anger.

“Shut _up_!” he hissed. He threw his hood up and marched to the living room where he promptly planted face-first into the cushions.

“At least _you_ got a hug,” Roman said, and now he was definitely jealous. “How did it feel? All soft and smooth and warm?”

Virgil threw one of the couch pillows at him.


End file.
